How To Ask A Girl Out
I’ve noticed a CURIOUS phenomena with men asking questions about dating, questions like “how to ask a girl out” or “how to kiss a girl”?
What is this curious phenomenon?
They are not REALLY asking the question they TRULY want to ask! When they are asking “how to ask a girl out”, they do not mean exactly “how to do it”. They already know how, just go to the girl and say “would you like to go out with me?” or any of a thousand different ways.
What they truly want to know deep inside is:
“How do I ask a girl out without getting rejected?”
“How do I ask a girl out in a way that guarantees she will say yes?”
I’m “too afraid to ask a girl out”, how do I do it?
“How do I ask girls out in a sweet manner”
Basically, the common recurring theme is that they want to know how to do it “right”.
Ok, my friend, so HOW do you do it right? How do you ask a girl out in the best, most-romantic, sweetest, most-effective and charming way that guarantees she will say yes?
Not what you wanted to hear?
Apologies, i’m here to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear (as many authors will).
Here’s a LITLLE KNOWN SECRET, that the media and your bragging friends would like it better if you didn’t know:
According to research by both scientific and more amateurish and semi-professional sources, the world’s best “closing” ratios are only up to 15-20%.
What does this mean?!
It simply means that even the most handsome, smooth-talking, charming, polished-game “casanovas” of the world only “get” 15-20% of the women they set their sights on.
The “get every girl you want” is a myth invented by Hollywood, corporations and your braggadocio friends. No one gets every girl they want.
So why am I telling you this?
a beginner’s guide
Because the very first thing that you need to do in order to become an expert at asking girls out is to let go of the idea that they all have to say yes. Remember: the world’s best DON’T get 80%* of the girls they want to get.
Just let go of the notion that if you don’t get a date with this girl it means you’re a “bad person” or “you suck” or any identity-meaning you might attach to it.
Look at it as a game… where you try, if you get shot, you just click reset. Try again.
*Note: This percentage refers to whether something actually unfolds with this women (more than just a conversation in private). The actual “she said yes-to–the-date” ratio might be a little higher, but whether it actually happens is contained in the previous percentage.
But I bet you want to know more my friend, right?
You want to know how to get the HIGHEST percentage of women to be saying yes to you, you want the hottest girls, right?
The way you get to the level where your chances of getting the girl are maximized is (drumroll please), to be the most attractive guy possible.
THE MORE ATTRACTIVE THAT YOU ARE, THE MORE WOMEN YOU WILL GET!
Ok, so tell me something i don’t know smartypants!
You didn’t learn anything new? Or did you?
The thing is that…
Your concept of what it means to be attractive is ALL WRONG
You (like all of us in the normal world), have let the media brainwash you into what is attractive and what is not.
Unlike what the media has sold you on, being more attractive to women, does not mean having harder pecs, six-pack abs, chiseled face or faster cars.
Lemme tell you a quick story that Kevin Hogan once shared in one of his sales body-language videos. Apparently, he and his academy-based research team did a study where they tracked how different visual stimuli affected the two genders differently.
If you went and showed a beautiful panorama photo to women, their excitation would rise a little, if you further showed them a photo of a little cute baby, their excitation would rise even further, if you were to show them a cover of men’s health or playgirl with those chiseled, hot guys, guess what happened? Nothing! As if you had shown them photos of a blank wall.
In the same study of course guys were going flat-line on all the artsy and baby photos, but when they saw a cover of playboy or hustler, their meter was through the roof!
Us being so “looks-oriented”, we tend to project the same all over women assuming they place importance on looks as much as us.
So what is it that makes a man more attractive?
The way that girls decide who is attractive is based on a guy’s different attributes. The more that a certain guy has one of these attributes, the more attractive he will be to a higher number of girls (computer RPG fans might find a good metaphor there). So what are these attributes we need?
– Confidence/Good BodyLanguage
– Positivity/Emotional expressiveness
– Social status
– Social Skills (being socially proficient)
Now, mind you, women don’t consciously sit around and mark off a check list for these things, all of this is happening in the blink of a moment (the same way your brain processes their facial symmetry, hips-to-waist ratio, boob size and shape, etc…) You don’t go “wow, her hips to waist ratio is 0.567, with a symmetry factor of 4.5, she will make a fine mother.” You just go “wow, she’s hot!”. It’s the same way for women. It’s either, oh wow “he’s hot”, or “he’s a dork”.
*Cameron Teoni has an entire book dedicated to “the attributes”, referenced below
I don’t have many of these attributes, what do i do now!?!?
Will i ever be able to ask a girl out!?
Do not panic. Fortunately for us humans, the development of these attributes is 90% influenced by social factors, and only (at the most!) 10% by genetic factors.
It is true that these attributes are formed mostly during childhood, but you CAN change them even later in life.
How do you go about it?
Have you ever played a computer RPG or an online MMORPG game? Sure you have. Anything from the sims to everquest.
You will know that in these you have a character or an “avatar” which you control, and this avatar has certain attributes like “health” “swordsmanship”, or the like. Each one of these attributes can perhaps run from a 0 to a 100.
You need to view yourself in the same manner. Your humor skills can be from a 35 from a possible 100. Read a book on developing your humor skills, gain 3 points, go make 10 women laugh, gain 10 points of humor skills.
A dorky comparison and metaphor… but it works!
So how do you best obtain the ways of developing these attributes? There is:
– the mainstream way of looking into amazon for mainstream personal development literature on any of these
– looking into the so-called “seduction community”, where a legion of guys have gone out and tested every possible way of “getting” girls. Not everything there is useful or sane, but you can use a lot of their knowledge
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